Whining About Writing

If you're an actor then it's highly likely that, at some point, you've had a little whine about writing. Maybe you've had a little bitch to one of your fellow cast members about it and joked how you could've done a better job. Maybe you've had a word with your director and you've worked hard together to make the writing work for you. If you're lucky and working alongside a writer then maybe you've politely asked if it could possibly be changed ever so slightly just so it makes a bit more sense. However, unless you're Dennis Waterman, Amanda Redman or Alun Armstrong then it's highly unlikely that you decide to tell the Radio Times how fed up you are with it:

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/entertainment-arts-19331320

I admit, I've spoken many a time on Twitter about poor writing. When you've received scripts that contain lines such as...

I don't know if all the Spaniards have a so big, big cock. 

I think Paul is gay. He has girlfriends just cos he doesn't want his family knows it. But he is a (pause) poof.

We will not pose for others, you alone know how lingerie is to be worn.

...it's very difficult to stay quiet. But these lines have clearly been written by people who haven't got a clue. Writers of programmes such as New Tricks are professionals and yes, maybe they don't get every single line right but that doesn't mean they deserve having their hard work ripped apart by actors in the press. 

While reading the article, all I could think was just how horribly ungrateful they all sound. They should count themselves lucky that they're part of a long-running, BBC1 primetime show. They should be happy with the exposure that they get and that they get paid to do work in a ridiculously oversubscribed profession. But no. Instead they decide to complain and shown that it's really no wonder that a group of actors is often called a 'whinge.' Perish the thought that they might just say how lucky they are to be in work when budgets are being hacked at more than an unruly hedge. 

As far as I'm aware, no one is making them stay there. If they want to leave, as James Bolam did, then I'm pretty sure that they're free to do so. If the writing is so poor that they feel the need to tell a publication that has a readership of around 2 million (I found this figure by vaguely glancing at Google so my apologies if this is wrong) then why are they still sticking around? Why not give up their roles and let someone else take over? Someone else who might be a little more grateful and has a bit of decency about them. Maybe they're worried they won't get work elsewhere and now they've shown that they're happy to publicly criticise a programme, I imagine their employability rate has clumsily slipped down the ladder somewhat.

The actor I'm most surprised at is Dennis Waterman who, in March allegedly said the eye-opening, mouth-screaming, hair-tearing line:

"It’s not difficult for a woman to make a man hit her. She (Rula Lenska) certainly wasn’t a beaten wife, she was hit and that’s different."

Now that's definitely not a line that a New Tricks writers would pen for you. That's a line that has come straight from the chauvinistic horse's mouth. And I personally think he's bloody lucky to still have a job after making such an admission. Part of his defense was that Rula Lenska was a 'big girl' and could therefore defend herself. This isn't a suitable defense anyway but I've seen Rula Lenska many a time as I used to live around the corner from her and she's everything but a 'big girl.' So you'd think that Waterman would keep his head down and thank his sexist stars that someone is still willing to employ him.

However, instead he's said that this little whiny gang would rather be in Copenhagen working on some 'extraordinary television.'  I know. The idea of Waterman achingly trying to act his way through The Killing is utterly laughable. I'll just give you a moment to have a good ol' think and a good ol' chuckle about that image....... We done? Excellent. Now, talk about biting the hand that feeds you. I'm a big fan of what the Danes have been producing lately and think that Borgen is one of the finest television dramas ever made but that doesn't give these actors the right to be quite so rude to an industry that has been incredibly supportive and has regularly kept them in work. They are in a position where they should be championing British writing and showing a bit of gratitude to an industry that has kept them in employment for the best part of 40 years. I don't really watch New Tricks but I do know that this programme is a rare thing. This is a primetime show where all the leads are over the age of 50. How many other programmes (apart from maybe Waiting for God, Keeping Up Appearances and Last of the Summer Wine) have done such a thing. But all those programmes are over 10 years old. How many TV programmes (and no, Antiques Roadshow doesn't count) that are actually on now are doing that? Very few indeed.

To the writers, I'm sorry. I'm sorry that you've had to write for such ungrateful actors. And, if you want a grateful actor who'll maybe just put out the odd, poorly written complaint on Twitter, then you know where I am...

No Pay, No Way

Casting call: "“Unfortunately we’re not able to offer a fee on this occasion.”

Unfortunately this is casting call that we're all to used to seeing. A good 75% of casting calls probably contain this line or a variation on it (such as the incredibly inventive 'This is a no-pay experience!') However, what we're not used to seeing is this kind of casting call from an established company. And they're not just any old established company, they're the company behind shows such as Have I Got News For You, Outnumbered and Episodes and whether you're a fan of these shows or not, you have to admit that it's pretty shocking behaviour. As companies go, they're probably one of the biggest so why the heck are they advertising unpaid acting roles?


Now, I saw this casting call a few weeks ago and was utterly outraged and it has now been reported on in the stage here after Equity got involved and rightly questioned what on earth they were playing at. (Whether you want to praise me for being way ahead of the news is entirely up to you but I am currently accepting cash rewards and/or a Nobel Peace Prize for my work.) But I think we're all in agreement that this isn't on. There is no freaking way a company such as this should be allowed to get away with hiring actors for nothing. That, my friends, is the job of university students and unscrupulous directors. If actors can't be paid for a role on a show which will almost undoubtedly be a primetime show and will probably be slated on Twitter then when can they?

But it's the backtracking that this company has done which is even more worrying. It's the kind of awkward backtracking you do when you've been caught talking about someone behind their back. 'Oh no, not you. I meant the other Hugo Smith.' When questioned on why they're trying to get actors to work for free, they have now claimed they will not be using professional performers and will instead be using members of the public and friends and family of the production team. Is this what's going to happen now? Have we now got to the point where companies are so reluctant to pay professionals, they'd rather rope in their mates to work for free? Other people's mates are rarely funny. Other people's mates are the type of people you get cornered by at a party and then have to listen to them talk about their tedious jobs and boring lives. Other people's mates think drinking twenty bottles of WKD and then running around Derby city centre with a traffic cone on their head is the definition of 'quality.' Other people's mates should not be allowed anywhere near a television unless they happen to know a clever way of filtering out annoying adverts... Has our profession become so lowly-regarded that we can easily be replaced by the director's second cousin? And it's worrying that one of the biggest TV production companies has started this trend. Surely it's only a matter of time before smaller companies follow suit and our TVs will become awash with casts made up of the make-up artist's university mates and the man in Muswell Hill who wanders the streets asking everyone for 20p. Irritating and baffling people do not maketh the good television programmes. Actors are being pushed out of TV at an alarming rate with shows such as TOWIE and Made In Chelsea gaining far more viewers than well-made dramas and comedies so what hope have we got now?

And what's even more worrying is that yet again, actors are going to be forced into unpaid work just to hold on to to a career that's more slippery than a greasy seal. Companies are again holding us to ransom where we can either accept their terms and work for free or spend a lifetime waiting for one precious job to come our way. It's unfair, it's unethical and it's ridiculously frustrating. Plus it's extremely worrying that high profile companies are choosing cheap labour over high-quality programming. If production companies are more worried about making low-rent television than supporting the industry then what's the point?

I would love the opportunity to gain the exposure that a primetime TV show would bring but not at my own expense and certainly not just so a very wealthy production company can save a few pennies. I refuse to forego a well-deserved wage just so an exec can continue to fund their lavish lifestyle. Why should they get to go on fancy holidays while I sit at home wondering how to make a tin of chopped tomatoes and a bag of Scampi & Lemon Nik Naks last me until the end of the week. It's exploitation at it's lowest, meanest level and until we all make a stand against these companies, all we're doing is encouraging them to turn our already fragile industry into a laughing stock.