Paying the Price

The first Monday back after the No Man’s Land of Christmas and New Year is an exciting time for actors. Pantos are grinding to a halt and Santa’s Grottos are shutting up for another year so it’s time to start thinking about finding some good ol’ acting work.

As 9am…Ok, 9:30am…fine, 10am…oh for heck’s sake, MIDDAY hits, we all sit in our clean pair of pyjamas, logging into the casting sites that we’ve given our hard-earned cash to, in the hope that we’ll find that one job that will mean 2014 is our year.

So you can imagine my dismay when, fired up with the expectation of getting work that will definitely put me in all the ‘Ones to Watch in 2015’ articles, I find that there’s an awful amount of unpaid jobs. And when I say awful, I mean ‘actors first role out of drama school’ awful. So awful in fact that, by the end of the day, just one casting site had listed a meagre 37 paid roles and a rather staggering 293 unpaid roles. And that was just the jobs that had been listed that day.

It’s a terrifying statistic. It means that for every 1 actor that can maybe breathe a little easier for a month, there are another 8 actors desperately panicking and hounding their temp agency for more work just so they can afford to live in the damp-ridden, mouse-invaded shack that they call ‘home.’

Since I’ve started blogging, I’ve been very passionate about making sure people see the other side of the industry. I want people to see the side that isn’t represented in Sunday supplements where actors are interviewed in quaint little cafes during a few snatched moments between that 5-star run at the National and that feature film that the director demanded that they were in. For most actors, this industry is that friend who only gets in touch after they’ve contacted everyone else they’ve ever met. At its best it’s fickle and at its worst you wish you’d never met it.

So to see such a staggering amount of unpaid work is a worry. It means that acting work is the work you do in between your other job when really you wish it could be the other way round. I’ve written so many blogs on unpaid work that to write about it again would be pointless. It’s the sad fact of this industry that sits in a musty box along with sexism, racism, ageism and people who think it’s OK to not provide lunch on a shoot.

There’s nothing more frustrating than not being able to make a living from what you want to do with your life. And it’s something a lot of actors will be coming to terms with at the moment while they sit, filing their last minute tax returns and realising just how little they’ve earned from such a wonderful job. Last year I earned £510 from acting work. That’s not even a month’s rent.

So why do we still do it? Why do we insist on supporting an industry that really doesn’t seem that bothered about us? Well it’s that little skip it puts in our step when we know we nailed that audition. It’s that little dance we do around the room when we get the call to say we got the job and we realise there’s no one else in the house to celebrate with. It’s that glow you get when you’re walking home after opening night, cheeks flushed with pride and three too many glasses of wine. It’s knowing that even though you dread being asked what you do for a living, you’re pleased you don’t have to answer them with any other job in the world.

It’s being able to sit at home in your pyjamas at 11am on a Wednesday and calling it work.

Happy New Year

The new year. A time when we’re all supposed to crawl out of the comfort of cheesy leftovers and cosy pyjamas and start thinking about how this is going to be our year, the year that we truly make it. As January hits, actors across the land (whether emerging from the gruel of panto or the pain of experiencing the grinding halt that December comes to every year) start thinking about how they’re going to take this year and make sure it's their name stamped all over it.

The problem is that the world hasn’t quite caught up yet. Everyone’s still working out whether those last few slices of turkey are still safe and trying to convince themselves that their entire wardrobe must’ve shrunk in the wash. No one knows when they’re supposed to put the rubbish out and everyone’s enjoying that joy usually held exclusively by the self-employed where it could genuinely be any day of the week.

So, while I wait for the rest of the world to reluctantly prize itself out of its slippers, I’ve thought about how 2014 can be a good year. I make no secret of the fact that, acting-wise, 2013 was a bloody shocker. My worst year since I graduated 7 years ago, I barely worked. In fact, I earned more in a week at my day job than I did from acting in the whole of 2013. It was horrible. At first. Until I realised that everything else in my life was brilliant. I have a lovely life, a wonderful boyfriend, a truly brilliant family, an excellent day job, somewhere to live and Adventure Time Monopoly. And when I realised all that, things started to happen. I started getting to nerve-wrackingly perform Casting Call Woe and deal with the shock of people asking me to write things for them. And I’ve already had one acting job this month with another have another coming up in a couple of weeks.

That’s 2014. Not letting this silly industry get the better of me. If acting wants to ignore me then fine. Yes I’ll keep applying for work, yes I’ll update my headshots, yes I’ll finally get my new showreel sorted. But I will not let acting get me down. I’m not one for resolutions because I’m the crumble to the good intention’s custard but I do vow this year to stop measuring myself in terms of how much acting work I’ve done recently. Because it doesn’t matter. If I haven't had an acting job for 6 months then that doesn't make me a bad actor, it just makes me a bloody awesome rester.

So here’s to 2014. Good luck to all you actors determined to make it your year. I hope you all succeed. Unless you’re in my casting bracket, of course…  

Miss L's 2013 Newsletter

Right, first an apology to the three people that read my blog. Sorry for not having written anything in so long. The last time I wrote, open letters were just things that nosey neighbours did, clocks were still very much forward and we were blissfully unaware of what a Penis Beaker was. We really had no idea how lucky we were.

So, because it’s been so long and I’ve therefore collated a few subjects that I can’t be bothered to write a full blog about, I thought I’d do you all a little newsletter instead. Excited? You bloody should be.

Why haven’t you been thrusting your thoughts on to us for ages?

Well, as I’ve touched upon how long it’s been since I last wrote one, I thought I might as well explain why I haven’t bothered you with my mind ramblings. The fact is that, acting wise, 2013 has been about as kind to me as a goblin who has a thing for stealing crisps. For whatever reason, the world has not wanted a piece of me this year and this means, rather worryingly, I can count the amount of auditions I’ve had this year on 2 fingers. And when you’re so out of the loop that you’re pretty sure the loop is just a myth, writing about what’s inside the loop can be a tad tricky.

Being an actor that can’t even get auditions can be seriously embarrassing. It’s easy to blame the acting world – Hallowe’en, clocks going back, fireworks and a glut of pumpkins are all very valid reasons at the moment…but spouting those excuses continuously gets seriously tiresome. But it’s true that, for me at least, the industry has been tough this year. Just this morning, when checking a casting site for work to apply for, I found just 1 paid job a staggering 25 unpaid jobs. And that’s what it’s like every day. At the moment, I’m lucky if I can find 1 paid job a month to apply for. So it’s hardly surprising that I’m close to becoming a world record holder in the art of resting. I will admit that it’s getting me down somewhat so I’ve decided that 2013 is being written off and 2014 will be embraced with turkey and stuffing heavy arms in a couple of months.

No More Drama

All-round misery bringer Michael Gove has announced that ‘soft subjects’ such as drama could well be scrapped at GCSE level. As a, supposed, actor this is terrible news. To see schools lose these subjects would be utterly heartbreaking. Whether or not you go into a career in the arts, these subjects are so important in schools. As someone who was actually pretty shy at school, drama pretty much saved me. A quadratic equation can’t help you get up and feel confident speaking in front of other people. The Periodic Table can’t help you listen to others. And the Spanish for ‘There’s a rat in the corner of the room’ can’t help you do an interpretive dance to Orinoco Flow (true story from my drama GCSE days…)

I know to some people drama classes at school are seen as doss subjects where you get to muck about for a few hours but they are so much more than that. They teach you confidence and understanding and that there’s more than one way to express yourself. Not everyone’s parents can afford to send them to extra-curricular drama classes and not every town has these facilities. For some kids, drama classes at school are the only chance they get to do something a bit different. And the thought of ‘that bit different’ being lost from our schools’ curriculums is very sad indeed.

So, if any of the arts subjects meant anything to you while you were at school – whether they helped you speak that bit louder, taught you the oh-so important skill of being to improvise on the spot or were just a relief in days otherwise filled with writing equations down, then please sign this petition to help save them:

https://www.change.org/en-GB/petitions/michael-gove-stop-the-marginalisation-of-the-expressive-arts-in-education-policy

50 Years Young

The glorious National Theatre turned 50 this year and because the BBC is still something that should be hugged and protected, they aired the celebration on Saturday. For over 2 hours, scenes from the best bits of the last 50 years were recreated. It was glorious. A true celebration of one wonderful institution being aired on another one.

But there was a problem. There was a quite serious lack of women. It became obvious very quickly that female playwrights were woefully represented. In fact, in the end only one female writer was used (Alecky Blythe who wrote the absolutely stunning London Road) whereas three David Hare plays were used. Now I realise that there have been more male playwrights over the last 50 years so, of course, more will be represented but it was sad to see such an imbalance.

However, what I hadn’t realised was the difference between the male and female roles being portrayed that night. Because of such incredible performances by Dames Judi, Maggie and Joan, it felt like there were thousands of women on stage. However, the numbers tell a very different story. If you take the credited roles from the cast list then there were 112 males roles being played and just 47 female roles. A rather sad statistic.

I don’t want to be down about the National’s celebrations because it’s a wonderful thing and it’s a theatre that should be constantly applauded. It creates magical, affordable theatre and has produced so many fond memories for so many people. It’s the reason why so many people have chosen a career in the arts and is a constant source of inspiration. All I say is that I hope their 100^th birthday is one where all those in the arts are celebrated equally.

Bloody hell, crack a smile, eh?

And now, because this has been a bloody miserable blog, here’s some highlights from my Casting Call Woe Tumblr…

The film is based around a woman having a bath, while a very small crocodile wanders around the bathroom.

You will be playing the role of a rubber duck.

Jesus vs Dracula.

Leaf Blower Massacre 2.

Carb conscious gay party boy who gets assaulted by Mr Whippy.

Over and out, lovelies.

Survival Tactics

“And what do you do?”

This is a question that should make me want to swing from the rooftops. I should want to grab this person, hug them and delightedly tell them that I do the best job in the world. Ideally, I’d be doing so well that they wouldn’t even need to ask what I do for a living. So why, when facing this question, do I feel my soul shrink away along with my knowledge of economics and my desire hang the washing up?

The fact is, it’s quiet at the moment. Maybe not for you. I really hope not for you. But for me it is. I haven’t had an acting job in quite some time. Why? I don’t know. As much as I probably should, I’m trying not to look inward. I’m also trying not to look outward and blame the rest of the world. To stop myself from either screaming at the mirror or screaming at everyone else, I’ve had to come to the conclusion that no one is to blame and that it’s just ‘one of those things.’ Naïve? Maybe. Not likely to achieve in me getting work? Almost definitely. Healthier? I certainly think so.

But it got me thinking about how we cope during these quiet times. How you can stop yourself from spending every waking hour wondering where it is you’ve gone wrong? When you find yourself not able to do the job you love, how do you stop yourself from becoming a shrivelled up scrap of bitter?

One of the biggest survival tactics is making sure that you fill all this sudden spare time with good things, and that includes whatever it is that you have to do to make money. I’m exceedingly lucky that I have a brilliant job that is massively flexible and that I also enjoy.  But even before then I’ve always tried to make sure that my resting job is something that doesn’t make me want to cry for the rest of eternity. I’ve found that letting people know you’re flexible for work is always a good thing. It’s meant I’ve worked on the phones at a takeaway (not the greatest job in the world but it meant free meals and also the embarrassment of accidentally calling Holborn Police Station to tell them that we were out of vine leaves.) It’s meant I’ve worked for a record label (I got more paper cuts than I thought imaginable but I did get to witness a terrifyingly music-savvy office listen to a new track and compliment it only to realise, 30 minutes in, that the record was stuck.) And yes, I’ve done call centre work but I made sure it was for a tiny company that didn’t seem set on selling my soul. The work is out there, you just have to be a little bit open about what you want to do. Basically, if you’re not selling your soul or your body (unwillingly) then you’re probably doing OK.

But you also have to make sure that you’re keeping even the feeblest grip on the job that you love. I know that some people find that working in theatres or teaching drama can help as it can make you feel that you’re still involved. Personally I find writing hugely beneficial. It keeps my brain ticking and although 99.9% of it is utter rubbish, coming up with a phrase that makes you smile can be all that you need sometimes. If I was blessed with the gift of writing plays then I would but sadly the evidence of 8,492 opening pages of things I’ve written and angrily discarded is enough to tell me that it’s not for me. Or, if writing or teaching or selling ice creams ain’t your jazz bag, then go to classes. Sometimes they can feel like pulling teeth or teaching your grandmother with a Guinness World record in sucking eggs to, well, suck eggs, but they at least make you feel like you’re doing something. Even if that something is running around a freezing church hall pretending to be a goat hiding from the Mafia.

But most of all, don’t feel guilty for indulging yourself when you need to. Being self-employed can make you feel that you need to be ‘on’ all the time. That you’ve got to be constantly looking for work and writing to people and checking emails and bloody networking. You don’t. If you find yourself on a Wednesday morning in need of 3 sharing bags of Doritos and Uncle Buck then do it. Yes, you’ll feel guilty for the first 10 minutes but rest is equally important and will ultimately make you a happier and more employable person. The other afternoon, after a morning of trawling websites desperately looking for acting roles to apply for, I found myself on the sofa in my pyjamas watching The Karen Carpenter Story. I followed that up with a nap. No, it didn’t get me any work but not feeling stressed for just a few hours is worth its weight in gold, silver and Giant Cadbury’s Buttons.

You might’ve read this blog post and thought it was all a bit self-indulgent. That’s because writing it is one of my survival tactics. Thanks. 

Accentuating the Negative

I’ve never been good at accents. Any attempt at an accent results in people wondering when Ireland went on a gap year trip to South Africa, Peru and the moon, their wonderings quickly followed by a letter summoning me to a tribunal for crimes against voice. So watching Peaky Blinders on BBC2 this week called for my biggest hypocrisy hat. Not only do I have no idea what turn of the century accents should sound like but I also couldn’t pretend to be from Birmingham even if my parents had flung me out the day I was born and ill-advisedly asked Ozzy Osbourne and Jasper Carrott to bring me up (although I do think the world is missing an act who performs rock versions of insurance claims…)

But Peaky Blinders got me thinking about accents and what dodgy terrain they create for actors. I’ve never been blessed with a good ear for accents. In fact, all I really have is a bunion for them, awkwardly and painfully trampling on them wherever I go. The general consensus, whether correct or not, was that some of the voices on Peaky Blinders were on the dubious side of believable. I’m not going to write a blog about that because, frankly, I don’t have any idea on how realistic they really were. Despite how I may look some mornings, I can safely say that I wasn’t around in 1919. But I do want to talk about how tricky changing your voice can be.

My heart sinks when an accent is called for in an audition. Interpretive dance? No problem. Pretending to be a tortoise playing the harmonica? Bring it on. Reading two sentences with a German accent? OHGODWHEREISTHEDOOROUTOFHERELOVELYTOMEETYOUBYE. And, for some reason, I never seem to get any warning of what my voice box will be asked to deal with.

I’ve spent many years wondering what my speciality is. I can’t sing, I can’t really dance and, as we’re learning, I certainly can’t pretend to be from somewhere else. But what I can do a good impression of someone who isn’t phased by accents. As is the problem with most actors, we’re pretty bad at saying “No.” Whatever is thrown at us, we’ll smile sweetly and have a damn good go at it. So that’s always been my approach with accents. I mean, I could just hold my hands up and say, “Look. I’m not blessed with an accepting ear and phonetics classes made me as sad as a dieter at Cadbury’s World, so I’d really rather not.” But I don’t. Instead, I take a deep breath and bloody go for it. Very occasionally something alright comes out but usually I just end up roaring something that ends up with me being forever known as The Pitchy Racist.

And then there’s the reactions that I have to cope with. I’ve had winces, looks of surprise and, more than once, I’ve been congratulated for somehow creating an accent that managed to retain a lot of my own. After each failed audition, another accent is scratched off my CV. The only reason I haven’t had an audition in so long is because it’d be impossible to go into minus accents. Honest guv.

The problem with performing in a voice other than your own is that you’ve got to sustain them. We can all say ‘conjunctivitis’ in Geordie and we all know the beercan/bacon trick but once you go past a few sentences, that’s when it starts on its round the world trip. And of course, especially when that accent is being performed on camera, it’s also got to persist through take after take. Tiredness starts to set in and the need to get the take right becomes far more important than whether your voice might actually start becoming offensive.

But still, those accents were bloody awful, weren’t they?