Wednesday, 14 March 2012

Late Expectations

I was planning on writing about the damn workshop audition I had to attend today. I was all set to rant and rail about what a terrible experience it was but, annoyingly, it was actually ok. Of course, I didn't enjoy always being in the wrong place at the wrong time and therefore constantly having to play the more dull of the two characters. Nor did I enjoy getting chewing gum on my be-socked feet within ten seconds of entering the audition room, meaning that I spent much of the morning with a trail of gaffer tape and cotton trailing behind me like a lost theatre puppy. And I really didn't enjoy the X Factor style ending they decided upon meaning that those of us who they didn't want to see again had the pleasure of being told so in front of the successful ones. It's not every day you get to be publicly rejected before lunch time.

But apart from those things, it was all relatively painless. All the other auditionees were very lovely and I had much fun. So instead I'll be writing about my second audition of the day. Oh yes, I had one of 'those' days where you get to feel like a proper actor. So read on...

The initial signs for my second audition weren't good. I'd had a read of the script and it was fair to say that I wasn't impressed. Reading the script was mainly an exercise in frowning and sighing and I was left feeling annoyed, perplexed and in need of tea and hugs. I thought that either the script wasn't well written or that I was a bit thick because I really didn't get it. If the play wasn't on in a very lovely theatre then I'd have considered turning down the audition. So, I wasn't in the best frame of mind and this then wasn't helped by London transport being about as useful as my 8 year old copy of Contacts. But despite having to almost leave London to get back into it again, I still arrived at my audition twenty minutes early. Once the two box office staff had stopped licking each other's necks (seriously) I was informed that auditions were running about 30 minutes late so I'd be waiting for just under an hour. I was exhausted by this point so I positioned myself on a comfy sofa by the window and set upon some good old fashioned waiting.

After a good while spent watching an army of old man perform an intricate dance of creepiness around the foyer, it finally seemed like it would be my turn to go in. The director wandered over, looked at me, looked at the other people waiting and then wandered off again. He peformed this ritual a good three times which, at the speed he was going, took a good 5 minutes. Eventually, he came over to me and I was on my way. Now, this man did not make a good first impression. His hair was on end, he was shuffling around in a manner I've only seen in myself when suffering with a particularly bad wine hangover and, to top it all off, he had a massive tea stain down his shirt. This would be interesting....but it was. The audition was wonderful, the audition panel were an absolute joy and I did probably the best audition since getting back into this silly game. Despite being tired, hungry and in desperate need of a cup of tea, I left the audition with very springy steps indeed.

Oh, and the director explained the story to me. Turns out I am a bit thick...

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