Friday, 1 February 2013

A Day In The Life

Yesterday, while stood in the back of beyond, desperately trying to get people to partake in market research in the midst of a howling gale, a colleague turned to me and said:

“Instead of doing this, why don’t you just get an acting job?”

After I swiftly decapitated her with my clipboard, I gave her the short and, frankly, far too polite response of:

“Unfortunately it’s not that easy.”

Of course, there’s a much longer response. One that involves me having a breakdown while I wail about all the younger actors out there who have good agents and get seen by the right people. But apparently I wasn’t at work yesterday to put on such a show. Instead I just had to spend the rest of the day wondering why I didn’t just get myself an acting job.

Filled with vigour this morning, I leapt upon the casting websites and tried to find myself some acting work. It was another day where I vowed with myself to not hold back. If I was suitable then I’d apply for it. This is what happened…

As it stands, there are currently 14 paid jobs on the main casting website that I use. 8 of these jobs are only looking for men and because I still don't have enough money for that sex-change op, that leaves me with 6 jobs to fling my CV at. The first casting that’s looking for women is for a kids’ TV pilot. Exciting stuff. However, they’re only looking for actresses aged over 50. After a day of battling high winds and rain yesterday, I'm sure I could have a good go at playing this but as I’m still just shy of 30, I think I’ll have to give that one a miss. 1 down, 5 to go. The next one is asking for a Princess Diana lookalike. 2 down, 4 to go.

Next up is a corporate job with four female roles on offer. It’s decent pay for a day’s work, it’s based in London, surely there must be a role for me. The first part is for an Indonesian woman aged 18-22. Nope. Second is for a Canadian woman aged 30-35. My playing age is set in my late twenties so even if I wanted to, I can’t apply for it. Third is an American teenager aged 16-19. I wish. And finally an African-American woman aged 22-28. Right age bracket but I’m still out. 3 down, 3 to go.

In at 3 we have a touring production of Romeo and Juliet. I know I said I was going to apply for anything I was suitable for but I have my limits. I’ve done ensemble work before and know that I never have to do it again. When a role asks for its performers to do get-ins, set ups, running the show, strikes, selling programmes, running workshops, publicity interviews and driving the company van for three months, I know a part isn’t for me. 4 down, 2 to go.

The next job isn’t even an acting job. It’s a teaching job. Next!

So the pressure lies on the final job. A voiceover job. For someone who’s German and aged between 30-45. Farewell, tiny little final scrap of hope. It was nice having you cling on for as long as you did. Now away with you to lie in the gutter with all the other scraps.

So, to anyone who wonders why us actors don’t just get out there and get an acting job, there’s why.  

To see all the other casting calls we actors put up with, please visit my Tumblr:

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