A Letter

Dear Production Companies/Advertising Agencies/Whichever Of You Damned Fools This Concerns

Please, on behalf of all us actors who have invested many years and much heartache into honing our skills and persevering with this ridiculous job, cease with this current obsession for casting non-actors in your adverts.

This may surprise you but we actors are capable of acting. We can play friends. We can play lovers. We can play the fact that we are loyal customers of your stupid, jumped-up brand. That's what we do. That is our job. We do well at it. Audiences pay money to watch us play these roles on stage. They'll fork out the hard-earned pay to see us at the cinema. They might even cancel a night out because they want to see something we're in on the TV.

This is our job. You know, those things that doctors and shop assistants and accountants and lawyers and street cleaners and secretaries have. Those things that you have. Like everyone else, this is our living. Yes, we may not save lives. We don't keep the transport system running and we don't ensure people have groceries to buy every day. But we still play our part. We entertain. We inform. We ensure that daytime TV remains watched. Imagine that a gang of 'real' people were drafted in to create an advert. How would you feel if that contract went to your cousin Dave while you remained unemployed for another month? You. Would. Be. Livid.

This job is tough enough at the best of times. We attention-starved jesters have thrown ourselves into an already over-subscribed profession so why do you insist on making it even harder for us? Just one well-paid advert would stop an actor fretting about how they're going to pay their bills for a few months. Maybe it doesn't fulfil that artistic wish that we constantly strive for but it lifts that horrible weight that remains on our shoulder like a poorly designed bag for a short amount of time.

I've seen you offering 'real' people up to £3000 to be in your adverts. These real people have real jobs that pay them real wages. The only good that can come of this is that my temp agency might finally have some work for me while this 'real' person goes on a swish holiday with their winnings. However, if you just gave the job to me then I wouldn't need to keep harassing my temp agency and I'll finally have a credit on my CV that doesn't require people to look at it quizzically and wonder if I've just made up this obscure list of unheard of roles.

I know the trend is for reality. TOWIE and Made In Chelsea and Geordie Shore and all the others have taken over our TV channels meaning that dramas and comedies have to fight harder than ever just to get seen. But that doesn't mean you're not allowed to buck the trend. You can trust actors. We will do whatever you ask of us. We'll Shake 'n' Vac. We'll tell the world that we buy any car. Heck, we'll even swallow our pride and let everyone know that they should go compare.

So next time you go to make an advert, please think of your local actor. Think of how much your job would mean to them. Think about how much easier they'll be to direct. Think about the fact that this is their job and this is what they do for a living. Professionally.

Yours restingly,

Miss L

Frustration

For today, I could very easily just copy and paste last week's The Waiting Game entry. My avid one follower will know that I met with an agent on Friday and that I was told that I'd be hearing back from them on Monday. Well, reader, I can tell you now that I still haven't heard anything back. I've given my phone lingering glances and I've stared longingly at my email but it seems that both are spoken for and neither is giving anything up. I've now become an expert at clicking 'refresh' and I'm sure I'm hitting the illegal limit for checking that my phone is on. Still nothing. Thankfully I've spent much of today on my own so I haven't been able to annoy anyone with having one eye constantly on my phone. My constant scuttling back to it when I try and be disciplined by using The Watched Pot method would try the patience of the saintliest of saints who has been granted his third sainthood.

I'm not sure what the etiquette is when you've been told to expect to hear from someone about something on a certain day. Do you just wait it out and spend the rest of your days snatching your phone the second it makes a noise and find yourself close to tears when it's just another voucher deal email? Or do you give them a quick nudge and run the risk of receiving a rejection email which basically tells you what you already know anyway? So far I've decided to wait it out. I'm already pestering my phone every other second. If I fire off an email then I'm doubling my inpatience by then giving myself yet another thing to wat for. My current thoughts are that if they were interested then they'd most certainly be in touch. Today, no news is bad news.

I hoped to be able to distract myself today by applying for lots and lots of lovely work. Today I decided I wasn't going to be picky about what I put myself up for. As long as I was suitable for the role and I was available on the dates given then I'd put myself up for it. But sadly I've chosen the 'Lets get men, children and anyone who lives anywhere other than London into acting day.' Of course. The one day I want to be productive, the world decides that it doesn't want to play ball. Yeah, my catching and throwing ain't what it should be but give a uncoordinated girl a break.

So, because I still haven't perfected the art of turning myself into a man or a child, or even a manchild, I have dedicated today to some of the most dubious of casting calls out there. Despite the sheer nature of acting and how public it is, the world of casting calls is a largely unmonitored one. Teach a man to fish and you'll feed him for a lifetime. Teach a director to use a casting website and you'll be subjected to some of the most alarming adverts since Go Compare. Previous delights have been a photographer who was advertising for a personal project to boost his portfolio. Let's call him Alan. It was bad enough that he asked for models to be naked except for a mask but to then call the project 'Alan's Pictures'? I fear for the models who end up in Alan's 'special' file on his computer, only ever opened after dark and hastily closed should any unsuspecting friend or family member enter the room. Then there was the character description that asked for 'A typically pretty, girl next door type. We're not looking for the hottest.' If you're down on your looks and don't fancy an ego boost any time soon then this is almost certainly the job to apply for...and then probably get turned down when they choose the hottest girl that applied.

However, today's funniest has been the casting that asked applicants be happy to be filmed stepping out of a shower, ensuring them that their 'nibbles' would be covered. Yes, I'm a child. Ooo, so I have perfected the art of turning myself into a child. Step aside everyone, I've got castings to apply for!