Shooting Gallery

Yesterday saw the last day of the first section of the shoot where I've spent most of my time worrying that I was going to kill someone with a hammer, blowtorch or my confusing Irish accent. I'm pleased to annouce that despite constant worries that my hands would suddenly lose control and I'd find myself launching a screwdriver at some poor unsuspecting person's face, no one was injured. Actually, that's a lie. One actor had their head smashed by a door but that had nothing to do with me. I was stood right by said door but, for once, it wasn't me who was at the centre of on-set carnage.

However, I'm pleased that I've set the right tone with the cast and crew. At one point in the film, I have to hold a lit blowtorch and inspire the other characters to rise up and beat the monsters. Just before the first take, the director asks if I can play the scene as cool as possible. This ignites immense laughter from the rest of the room, all in hysterics at the thought of me playing this. It seems that if you constantly walk into things, produce one of the only outtakes of the shoot by somehow managing to tangle up a whole bag of tools and drop everything handed to you, people think that you playing 'cool' is far beyond your already limited acting range. I mean, they're right. Had my parents decided to call me Jane then I can guarantee within a week that someone would've been well within their rights to add the 'calamity' prefix.

But it was a most lovely of last days. We were finally well fed and although it was another very long day, it was the mostest of funnest. How can you not enjoy a shoot where you get to run away from monsters and charge, screaming, into a room with a lit blowtorch in your hands. There were some dubious moments such as when I was asked to hold the blowtorch 'Charlie's Angel' style, the director forgetting the horrific consequences of adding a flame to skin. And then there was the scene where I had to throw a hammer three metres to another actor. This kind of thing is not my forte. As already explained, this is the type of situation that generally ends in ambulances, serious facial restructuring and drawn out lawsuits. However, by some miracle (and after a lot of tuition from the DOP), I managed to throw the hammer fifteen (yes, I counted) times without destroying anything apart from the right side of my back which is now home to a constant dull ache.

I've now got a gap of 10 days before we start the final section of the shoot. That's 10 days to to perfect my Irish, learn how to throw things and get myself a damn good lawyer.