Friday, 30 September 2011

To Know or Not To Know

I've just received an email from an employer regarding a role in a short film that I applied for. The email basically said 'thanks or no thanks.' To be honest, it's an email that I'm never really fond of getting but on a gorgeously sunny Friday like today, I could really have done without it. I've never been a fan of the 'your CV, headshot and covering letter are so abhorrent to us that we can't even bear the thought of giving you a few minutes of our day to prove yourself to us' message. It's demoralising and even though you know that there's nothing more you could've done, it still feels a bit like slap in the face.

I'd much rather not be told. I'd be far happier being blissfully ignorant and thinking that they looked at my CV and thought I was far too qualified for their project. Maybe they saw my headshot and thought it would be unfair on the rest of the cast making them work with such a beaut. Or it might just be possible that they were so enchanted by my dulcet tones on my voicereel that they were worried they'd never get any work done should them employ me. Of course, I know that this isn't the case. I know that something in my CV just didn't seem right for them and that's fair enough. But can I not just be left to float around in my little bubble with my fingers placed firmly in my ears? Apparently not.

The messages I've received regarding applications have ranged from the uncomfortably complimentary 'I loved your physical acting and the tension that you gave through your eyes' to the baffling 'I'm sorry to inform you that after after a discussion with the production team we cannot consider you for the role.' I hadn't even applied for this role. Receiving a knockback message regarding a project you didn't even know about is an all-time low, believe me.

However, the worst was regarding a feature film I had applied for. The email started with...

"Thanks for your application. You have been shortlisted to audition for the role of Gemma. We will contact you in due course if we are able to audition you."

I have no idea what could possibly happen that would mean that I was no longer able to audition for them. I'm yet to perfect the art of sprouting a second head and I had almost no plans to have any of them killed. This was all fine though compared to the rest of the message which basically went on to describe, in quite some detail, a sex scene that my character would be involved in. I was then told that there had been much discussion about this scene and they had decided that it was entirely necessary but that they would like my thoughts on the matter and whether I had any feedback for them. By now, I was unsure as to whether they were interested in seeing me for the role, if I'd accidentally applied for the poorest erotic fiction known to man or if I'd somehow been hired as their new script editor. I replied saying that I wouldn't mind seeing the rest of the script as I wanted to make sure that the role I was applying for actually got to spend at least some screen time fully-clothed. However, this request was flatly ignored so I can only presume that whichever poor soul ended up playing Gemma spent much of their time on their back with their legs akimbo. Some girls get all the luck....

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